James Ekwind’s New Friend

By Patrick Grady

INT LAB EVENING

Introduction of James Ekwind is a combination of long slow shots showing James at his workplace. He works nights as a Janitor at Pathology/Endoscopy Lab’s Inc. It’s always dark in the labs because everyone has left and the lights are out. James always has an old radio playing in the janitor’s closet set to a static-ridden AM classical/talk radio station. Credits begin and end during the series of long establishing shots. The first scene occurs in the pre-gross room as he begins his nightly chore of emptying the excess contents of human specimens into a large red Biohazard waste can.

JAMES

(Humming to the music piece in the background)

NARRATOR

That’s me. James Ekwind. That’s my name at least, and this is where I work, Pathology/Endoscopy Labs Inc. I really like my new job. I can have some quiet time here at nights. I only work at nights too, so it’s quiet all the time. Well, I’m sure it’s gets pretty busy during the day when all the doctors are scrambling about, dictating to do this and citating to do that. I listen to their dictation tapes sometimes. It’s kinda funny to hear the doctors talk to themselves. Sometimes they get caught up in there own little worlds and mention things that don’t belong on the tapes. I always try to figure out why they let certain comments slip. The best answer I can come up with is they just needed to hear someone say it. I can’t really come up with the complex answers they might have for it ‘cause I only went to school till the 10th grade. I think most of them were in school much longer than I was, but I don’t mind, we all find our own happiness in someway or another.

A phone ring chimes in right as the Narrator is finishing up. The ring startles James because he has for the past few moments been very closely examining the contents of one of the containers lying on the counter waiting to be disposed of.

NARRATOR

That’s one of my friends. He has called me every night since I began working here. I’m not even sure where I met him.

The phone continues ringing for quite some time as James puts the container back down onto the lab table and takes his gloves off so he can answer the phone. It would take a close examination, but it can be realized that the phone isn’t actually plugged into anything. In fact, it’s in the middle of a heap of lab equipment that is labeled ‘TO BE JUNKED.’

JAMES

Hello?

FRIEND

Hey James, it’s me.

JAMES

Hey man, I figured it was.

FRIEND

So what are you up too? When are you getting off of work?

JAMES

Well, I don’t know, it looks like the doctors left a lot of stuff for me today.

FRIEND

Oh really?

JAMES

Yea.

James is halfway focusing on the conversation and the contents of the container he was examining earlier.

FRIEND

You really like it up there don’t you?

JAMES

It suits me. My last job didn’t suit me very well.

FRIEND

It’s good to find a job that suits you I guess. So what do you do up there anyway?

JAMES

Oh… just stuff.

FRIEND

(Slightly Annoyed) Yea James, we all do stuff, but what do you do?

JAMES

Hey man, I’ve got a lot of work to do. I should probably get a few things done... Can I call you back?

FRIEND

James.

JAMES

Yea?

FRIEND

You don’t know my number.

JAMES

Oh yea. Well then maybe you could just call me later or something. You’re usually able to find out where I’m at.

FRIEND

Is there something wrong James?

The container on the table slightly twitches as James pokes at it. This captures all the remaining attention he had available so he looks to end the conversation as soon as possible.

JAMES

Of course not man, I just really need go. (Hurried) Call me later man, please.

As the receiver leaves James’s ear you hear the friend angrily shouting in protest of being hung up on. James pays no attention and hangs up the phone. He then bends down to examine the container again as he simultaneously puts on a new pair of latex gloves.

JAMES

What do we have here?

He unscrews the top of the container and its contents are revealed. A human brain. This disturbs James a bit, because brains are about the rarest specimen the lab receives.

JAMES

Ewww.

He holds up the container close to his face.

JAMES

Who’d you come from?

He empties the container into the large red box, and then begins the same for the remaining specimens on the table. A new music piece is beginning to stand out in the background and James takes notice. It can be said the piece is a favorite of his. He leaves the room for a moment to go and turn up the radio then proceeds back to the lab to finish up.

NARRATOR

I love music. That's one of the reasons I like working at this place, I get to turn up my music as loud as I want too.

James begins shadow conducting the orchestra as the music crescendos in the background. A phone begins ringing but it is a different phone then the one he answered earlier. This phone is mounted on the wall. James is startled by this but manages to calm himself down and takes off his gloves to answer the phone.

NARRATOR

That isn't my friend. My friend never calls that number.

JAMES

(Nervously) Path- Pathology Endoscopy labs, this is James.

James takes the cordless and walks to the Janitors closet to turn down the music while he's on the phone.

DOCTOR

Uhh... Yea, James, this is Steve from the labs, I was wondering if you could do me a favor and check to see if I left my briefcase in my office. (Jokingly) I don't seem to have it with me and I just need to make sure I didn't leave it on top of my car or anything, you know?

JAMES

Yea no problem Dr. Schneider, lemme check for you. It'll be just a second.

DOCTOR

Take your time.

James walks in the direction of the offices and finds the briefcase lying next to the desk. He walks up to it to take a peak inside.

JAMES

Yea, the brown one right? It's right here next to your desk.

DOCTOR

Thanks a mill James. You have a goodnight. Don't work too hard eh?

JAMES

Oh don't worry Dr. Schneider, I was just about to be finishing up.

DOCTOR

Goodnight James.

JAMES

Evening Dr.

He turns off the cordless and goes back to the lab to hang the phone on the wall mount.

VOICE

Hello James.

James instantly screams when he hears the mysterious voice and knocks the phone off the wall mount as he falls to the floor hitting a desk, chair and wall before he comes to a stop. He is frozen on the floor trying to locate the source of the mysterious voice while moving his head as little as possible.

JAMES

(timidly) Dr. Jenson is that you?

VOICE

No James, it’s not Dr. Jenson. Are you hurt James?

There is a trickle of blood running from James’s hairline, he had quite a fall and managed to get a little cut up in the process.

JAMES

(Very scarred) Listen, I’m just the janitor. I don’t have any money on me. I’m just the janitor, I was just about to leave.

VOICE

James. I’m not going to rob you, and you’re certainly welcome to leave if that’s what you were planning.

James begins to raise himself up to get a better view of the room.

JAMES

(Becoming angry) Who are you?

VOICE

I don’t think that’s very importan-

JAMES

(Hysterical) WHO ARE YOU?!?

VOICE

James, plea-

JAMES

WHO ARE YOU?!?

James tries to get up and knocks the desk over making quite a racket.

VOICE

James, please, calm dow-

JAMES

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

VOICE

I’m not asking for anything James.

JAMES

The police. I’ll call the police if you don’t leave.

VOICE

Well you’re gonna have to use a different phone. I think you broke that one.

James looks to the wall phone and sees it hanging out by the wires.

VOICE

Listen James, you’re really going to have to settle down. Get some water or something, and a band aid.

James reaches for his head as he realizes that he has cut himself. The sight of his blood on his hands makes him begin to tense up again.

VOICE

Oh don’t baby it. It’s just a scratch.

JAMES

(Becoming confused) Where are you?

VOICE

(Firmly) Who, what, where? Nobody asks the most important questions first? Why James. How James. I’m right in front of you James.

James scans the room for the voice again.

JAMES

(Officially Confused) No you’re not. I can see everything in the room.

VOICE

Then where am I if not in front of you.

JAMES

You’re not in this room.

VOICE

(Angry) This is a stupid game James. I AM IN THE ROOM. I AM RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. QUIT TELLING ME THAT I’M NOT!

The shouting allows James to pinpoint the source of the Voice. To his horror, it is in the room with him, seemingly emerging from the large red Biohazard box in the middle of the room. At the very second he pinpoints the location the phone in the corner begins ringing again. James freezes up.

NARRATOR

That’s my friend again. I know it’s my friend. I think I made him mad earlier. He normally calls back if I make him mad, (pause) it just takes him a while to settle down.

James finds the route to the phone which will keep him the maximum distance from the box and dashes to the phone.

JAMES

Hello?

FRIEND

(Angry) Listen, I don’t really appreciate being hung up on alright! I thought we were supposed to be frie-

JAMES

(Very course) Hey man, I am REALLY busy right now. Can you please call me when I get off of work?

VOICE

(Confused) Who are you talking too?

The phone that was on the wall begins beeping because it has been left off the hook for too long. It’s James’s last straw.

JAMES

JUST SHUT UP!

FRIEND

Who are you talking too? Are you alright? Is someone else there?

JAMES

Yea, I’m fine, no one is here.

VOICE

Oh really?

FRIEND

James you’re freaking me out.

JAMES

Listen, please. Just call me later tonight.

He quickly hangs up the phone and focuses on the box in the middle of the floor.

JAMES

(To himself) Oh my god. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. This can’t happen…

James is slowing moving against the lab counter back towards the door while keeping an intent eye on the box in the middle of the floor. James takes a while to get to the door and in the mean time the only sound you hear are his assurances that there was no voice coming from the box, it was just his imagination and so on. James makes it to the door and begins creeping outside, his focus is still on the box.

VOICE

(Laughing) James, where are you going?

JAMES

(To himself and purposely looking away from the box) Shut up.

VOICE

James… Come’on. Don’t be like this.

JAMES

Shut up.

VOICE

Ok, you’re pissing me off.

JAMES

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU’RE NOT REAL! NOTHING IS IN THIS ROOM! YOU DO NOT EXIST!

James takes an aggressive stance towards the box and begins moving closer to it. Just as he is screaming, ‘You do not exist!’ he pulls back his leg as if he is going to kick the box.

VOICE

(Interrupting) WHOA! JAMES! HEY!

James pauses with his leg still cocked back.

VOICE

(Very short) If I’m not real, then what the FUCK are you about to kick this box for?

James just stares at the box.

VOICE

Put your leg down James. Put. Your. Leg. Down. James.

He complies. For a moment, then turns to the lab counter and kicks it instead. He then does his best to gather up his keys and jacket while keeping his cool at the same time. He now has a slight limp in the leg he kicked the counter with.

JAMES

I need to leave. You’re not real. I am going to go home, get a lot of sleep, and when I come back you’re not going to be here. I’ve just been pushing myself too much recently, not getting enough sleep. I’m all stressed with the new job, I’m not well. Please don’t talk anymore. Please. Please. I’m not well. I’m gonna leave now, just don’t talk, please, don’t talk.

He eases out of the door, forcefully calm, and begins sliding his jacket on. He begins walking down the hall to leave the building and as the door finally slams shut he just about loses his cool. He then gathers himself together for moment a few steps down the hall.

VOICE

(Very muffled) Good night James.

The second James hears this he freezes, for only a second, then sprints for the door.

Fade to black.

NARRATOR

I hope my friend doesn’t call me again. I’ve kinda had a stressful night, plus I think I left the radio on and I’m sure my boss is gonna get onto me for it. But I bet he’ll call, he always does.

**- This would be the cue for the tripped-out phone conversation/flashback montage showing distorted shots of James’s life outside of the work place with a calm dialogue between James and his Friend taking place in the background. Everything is dark and an uncomfortable industrial music piece is playing the background, providing a dark contrast to the light Classical/Romantic era music that has been heard thus far. The phone conversation goes as follows:

**- ALL VOICE-OVER:

(The phone rings)

JAMES

(Very groggy) mmm, Heello?

FRIEND

(Softly) Where are you James?

JAMES

(Sighs) Hey man. (Gathers himself and takes a deep breath) What time is it?

FRIEND

Where are you James?

JAMES

I don’t really know to be honest with you. What number did you call?

FRIEND

The same one I always call.

JAMES

Ohh, (Audible flinch of pain) I feel awful.

FRIEND

You’re doing it again.

JAMES

No, I just need to wake up a little bit.

FRIEND

I don’t think it’s time to wake up.

JAMES

Yea, maybe so.

FRIEND

Are you even sure that you’re really awake?

JAMES

Do I sound awake to you?

FRIEND

Just checking.

JAMES

Ahh! (Very audible flinch of pain) Something’s wrong this time.

FRIEND

James, please think. Where are you?

JAMES

Did I tell you what happened today?

FRIEND

I think you might have.

JAMES

I think I’m dying.

FRIEND

I think you’re dead.

JAMES

(Laughs) I wouldn’t go that far.

FRIEND

But you will one day.

JAMES

What’s that?

FRIEND

Go that far.

JAMES

Let’s just hope it hadn’t already happened.

FRIEND

Let’s.

JAMES

Are you sure you didn’t talk to her?

FRIEND

I don’t really know to be honest with you.

JAMES

Oh, the games we play. This is exciting, it really is.

FRIEND

James the situation has changed. You’re going to have to be careful from now on. Part of being careful includes knowing where you pass out at, and where you wake up at. You can get us into a lot of trouble.

JAMES

You know when you say things like that I really wonder what your motives in this whole deal actually are.

FRIEND

I’m just looking out for you. You wouldn’t want to look stupid or anything right?

JAMES

Yea, that wouldn’t hurt.

FRIEND

(Firmly, loss of temper) Then get the fuck up and find a safer place to sleep, and please, (shouting) please get rid of that SHIRT!

(Click. Back to Black.)

INT LAB DOOR NEXT EVENING

The shot fades in from within the Lab facility but the focus is on James Ekwind, standing just outside the door, peeping inside. He appears to be too terrified to enter the building, obviously wondering if lab equipment will suddenly start talking to him again.

NARRATOR

I’m pretty excited today. My friend has finally come through on setting me up on a date with this girl he knows. I hadn’t actually met her, but she seemed really cool. He said that she kinda felt the same type of vibe from me, so ah, we’ll see how things go.

Right as the Narrator is finishing up, James musters enough courage to enter through the door. This will begin a series of shots showing James doing every job of his, except, cleaning the Pre-Gross room. He is noticeably nervous and anxious, stopping every so often to listen for any sounds. The classical music is playing lightly in the background, static ridden as ever and the Narrator, of course, just continues on.

NARRATOR

To be honest I’ve never really been on a real date before. I guess that explains why I’m so excited. I mean, like, I did meet some girls up at the movies one time back in the eighth grade, but there were like 5 of us: two of my friends, two girls and me, and I’m pretty sure I was the odd man out. Most of my friends say they’ve gone out on tons of dates, but I don’t really believe them. They’re all pretty much the same as I am when it comes to dealing with girls: just not good at it. This friend though is different. He is really good at dealing with girls. In fact I’ve never seen him not get a girl he wanted. So I told him to help me out a while back, and he did. He said we should go somewhere crowded and I should just choose a girl, he said a stranger was much better than someone I already know, I guess like you have a clean slate or something. Well anyway, when I found an interesting girl I just pointed her out to him and he said to just hang out somewhere and look groovy while he went and chatted it up with her and put in a good word for me, and bam, he got her number, which I now have. I never actually called her though, he said he’d take care of all that too, which he did, which is why now I’m so excited.

The past few seconds James has been quietly standing outside the door to the pre-gross room leaning on his mop, making no effort to continue through the door. He is obviously trying desperately to think of some excuse not to enter the room. When the narrator finishes up you hear a muffled ringing sound coming from inside the room. This frustrates the young lad but he still makes no movements towards the door.

NARRATOR

That must be my friend. He is probably going to give me an update on situation for tonight. He is helping me plan everything cause I’m kinda out of practice.

VOICE

(Muffled) Is someone gonna answer that?

JAMES

(To himself) Oh shit.

VOICE

(Mockingly) Jaames. I knoow Yoour Ouut Theere.

The mocking attitude peeves off James a bit. Already extremely frustrated with the unusual circumstances he’s been presented, he hides no emotion when he bursts through the door to get to the phone.

VOICE

Oh there yo-

JAMES

Shut up. Just shut up.

He picks up the phone.

JAMES

Hello?

VOICE

How’re you gonna be like that?

James covers his available ear with his hand and turns his back towards the box.

FRIEND

Hey it’s me, are you alone?

JAMES

Yea of course, what’s up?

FRIEND

Well, I’m picking her up in a little while, and I was just going to stop by your work to pick you up. You just about finishing up?

JAMES

Yea, just about.

FRIEND

Are you sure that you’re alone?

JAMES

Yea man, no problem.

FRIEND

I just thought I heard someone earlier though.

JAMES

Nah man, just the radio… Anyway, yea, sounds like a plan. See you then.

FRIEND

Yea, see you then.

(Click) James keeps the phone to his ear regretting that he ended the phone conversation so quickly, leaving his focus on the box waiting behind him.

VOICE

What’s with all the spunk? I heard you whistling.

JAMES

(Suddenly angry) I am getting fed up with this game.

While saying this James begins going through all the cabinets looking for any type of recording/transmitter devices that could a part of the cruel hoax he’s experiencing.

VOICE

What are you looking for?

JAMES

You.

VOICE

You know where I am, and you’re not looking there.

James pauses for a moment to reveal his revelation.

JAMES

Don’t think I didn’t figure this out last night. You’re being transmitted somehow, and when I find the crap I’m gonna smash it all up. So unless you want to loose a lot of expensive spy equipment you bought from some damn Army surplus store, then you better start fessing up.

VOICE

(Considers for a moment) You know if I could clap, I would, but I can’t, so I’m just gonna say this: You can tear up this lab all you want but you’re not going to find any Army Surplus Spy Gear.

JAMES

I’m gonna find something. (To himself) Some kind of answer.

VOICE

Yea, let me know when you’re onto something.

JAMES

(Obviously annoyed) No! You let me know. This isn’t even possible! How are you talking?!

VOICE

Look at me James. Just look at me! I’ve been a primordial soup just waiting to burst to life.

JAMES

What are you talking about?

VOICE

Spontaneous generation is a beautiful thing, you wouldn’t be standing where you are without it.

JAMES

I didn’t just spontaneously generate anything man. I was grown.

VOICE

A feeble mind with an assertive tone: A dangerous combination James. Please don’t make me explain it.

JAMES

You better start explaining something man. I cannot handle this tonight. Not tonight.

VOICE

Oh yea, What is going on for you tonight? You seemed all excited out there.

JAMES

It’s none of your business.

VOICE

Nothing is anybodies business. Yet we inquire regardless and we inform regardless, integrity and trust set aside.

JAMES

How about we get back to who you are, and what you’re doing inside that damn box.

VOICE

James, can’t you see? Have you not studied the scriptures? Inquired into the prophecies? (Very solemn) James. I am your God.

James considers the statement for a moment.

VOICE

(Laughing) Heheh, oh man. Screw it. I’m just a voice James.

JAMES

Don’t fuck around like that man. That is really important to some people.

VOICE

Yea, and sacrificing virgins was important to a lot of people as well. Look what happened to them.

JAMES

Who cares what happened to them. They were barbarians.

VOICE

So you have never considered the possibility that some unknown race could descend upon your world and methodically destroy your entire civilization all because they considered your ideals and beliefs to be, oh how would you put it, barbaric?

JAMES

No. I don’t believe that could happen at all.

VOICE

Wow. Such confidence considering you know relatively absolutely nothing about the universe you exist in, let alone the other infinite universes that exist. But whatever, you're safe, like you say. Just don’t let me get outta this damn box. I’m bound to change a few things.

JAMES

What you would change is anyone’s mind that I was crazy.

VOICE

Since that would be my first objective, of course.

JAMES

You know what. This is stupid. I don’t know where you hid the damn transmitter, but I’m getting really bored of this.

VOICE

You're bored? I'm sorry, oh magistrate, for I've failed to yield your interests. How could I be so bold? The gift of intelligent life has blinded my described duty to entertain...

JAMES

(Interrupting) And you're a smart-ass. This is amazing.

VOICE

What's amazing is your ability to brush aside a super natural phenomenon that has claimed to be your God with a simple retort of boredom.

JAMES

Oh, I'm sorry, in Sunday School they must have left out the Almighty’s return in the form of a bio-hazard box I empty on a weekly basis.

VOICE

So little faith you po...

The phone in the corner begins ringing. James looks at it puzzled, and checks the time on the wall.

NARRTOR

He was calling earlier than I had expected.

James goes to answer the phone.

JAMES

Hello?

VOICE

(Puzzled) What?! Who are you talking to James?...

FRIEND

(out of breath) Listen, James. The plan has changed. She's gonna meet you there. She's on her way. What are you doing right now?

JAMES

What? She's coming here?

VOICE

Who's coming here? Who are you talking to?

JAMES

(away from the phone) Just shut up a second!

James tries to separate himself from the box as much as possible and cups his ears.

FRIEND

James who's there? No one is supposed to be there JAMES!

JAMES

No one is here. Listen, what do you mean she's coming here? Now?

VOICE

James who the fuck are you talking too? You're acting fucking crazy!

JAMES

(looses it) GOD DAMNIT! Just shut the hell up for one god damn second!

FRIEND

Oh shit man, this isn't happening. Who the fuck is over there?

JAMES

No one man! Jesus! I can't explain it.

VOICE

Ok, you've lost it... I'm talking to a fucking head case.

FRIEND

FUCK! James this is really bad man. This can't happen. I'm coming over there.

JAMES

No no no! You can't come...

The line is dead.

JAMES

SHIT! (yelling into the handset) WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S COMING HERE?!?

James suddenly looks very faint and drops the phone. His legs buckle and he hits the floor as the industrial sound comes screaming into spectrum. Fades and dark montages of scenes of James a bit out of character, talking to the girl that had just called. There is another over-dub phone conversation, though this time you hear faint conversation blips from what's happening on screen.

NARRATOR

Things were getting pretty exciting. I felt like a balloon on the verge of bursting. My head was beginning to feel a little dizzy I was so excited. Then came the throbbing.

(phone conversation)

FRIEND

You really had me scarred back there James.

JAMES

I even scare myself sometimes. Now that's something.

FRIEND

I hadn't noticed. You should work on your presentation.

JAMES

In time, in time.

FRIEND

Is everything set up?

JAMES

Last I checked.

FRIEND

So what's the deal James?

At this moment show a close shot of the girl talking into the phone saying, 'So what's the deal James?'

JAMES

What did you say?

Fade to black.

INT LAB EVENING

This closing shot will be a hard close head shot with a very slow pull away from the scene. James is covered in blood and is dawning a surgeon’s outfit which he wears poorly.

VOICE

So I never met your friend James.

JAMES

Yea, I guess he never did show up did he?

VOICE

You know I'm hardly surprised.

JAMES

I guess it'd take a lot to surprise you.

He drops a large bloody mass into the box.

VOICE

You'd be surprised.

He diverts his attention to what he's working on. You hearing sawing and tearing.

JAMES

You know I never did figure you out.

VOICE

I guess you didn't.

He drops another large mass.

JAMES

What a shame. It would have been pretty cool knowing you.

VOICE

Likewise I'm sure.

NARRATOR

So I didn't really hit it off with the girl as I much as I was hoping. I'm not really surprised though.

As the narrator is talking the shot has come to a long shot of the scene and we see that what he's been working on is the dissection of the girl he had met on the phone. She appears to have been dead for some time. He wraps bloody bio-hazard sheets around the body and moves it to a janitor’s closet in the room he's working in. He clicks off the radio, locks the closet and walks away shutting off all the lights. The camera still pulling from the closet.

NARRATOR

I'm sure there will be others. Maybe one day soon I'll meet the perfect girl. Maybe even without the help of my friend. I'm sure that he means well, but he can be pretty crowding sometimes. I haven't heard from him in a few days. Maybe he's just gathering his thoughts. He does that sometimes. I haven't been sleeping well recently. I'm heading home early for tonight. Try to catch up on some much needed sleep.

Fade to Black.

<<<ROLL PROP(er-respect)S>>